THE LAWS OF FIONA

It is 10.30pm South African time as I begin to type this, but I console myself with the thought that in Hawaii it is 10.30am. So theoretically I could wait until 11 tomorrow morning, and it would still be 11pm, and thus still 30 September, in Hawaii. All this to prove to myself that I can delay blogging until tomorrow, and not miss my deadline. You see, I have to get my September blog in before October. You wouldn't want my iPad to turn into a Samsung Galaxy at midnight, would you? (For those of you who don't know about fruit wars, see a previous blog entitled " The Devil and i" . But now we have Star Wars to add to Fruit Wars! Apple, Berry, Galaxy, and many more wars to be fought and won by the mighty APPLE!)

It never fails to amaze me how prone we are to legalism. Please do not misunderstand me. I have no intention of wading into the quicksand of the Law/Grace debate at this time of night. I have to let it be known, though, that in my humble but accurate opinion, a great deal of the teaching on this highly contentious subject shows very selective use of scripture. Oh dear, I seem to be dipping my typing finger, (singular), into the quagmire, so will pass on swiftly. The legalism I am referring to, to which I am prone, is the self-imposed kind.

I don't know about you, but I know about myself when it comes to the laws I pass, live by, and prosecute should I ever violate my own code of behaviour. It matters not a whit to anyone but me that this blog should be completed in the next hour. I am also well aware of the fact that once I have completed it, I shall email it to Emma, with an urgent request to post it before midnight. This is utterly unreasonable, because it is Friday night, Emma is young, pretty, and single, and I am fairly certain that she is not lurking at her computer, watching the seconds tick by, wondering when her boss's blog is going to arrive. She is much more likely to be OUT at movies, or IN at movies, eating popcorn, secure in the knowledge that her workday ended many hours ago. So why am I frantically racing the clock to meet the deadline? Well, for one, I am not a lawbreaker! I made this law, and my goodness, I am going to stick to the law, even if it means propping my eyes open with one hand, while typing with the other! Or typing with one of the fingers of the other hand, to be more accurate. Secondly, I can sleep with a clear conscience, knowing I have beaten the clock. Like Paul, I have run the race and finished! I have blogged before midnight turns September into October. So I can sleep the sleep of the righteous. If this blog is not posted till October, it is not my fault!!! It is Emma's fault! Hallelujah and amen!

I seriously doubt if any of you could live in my kingdom without breaking the law. Good grief, I can't, and I make the law of my kingdom. These laws govern teeth brushing, hand washing, makeup removing, dishwasher packing, bible reading, journal writing, towel folding, sock pairing, pillow arranging, order of food eaten, (keep the best mouthful for the last), etc etc etc. Stop shaking your head and looking smug. You live by your own laws, even if those laws require you to NEVER hang up your clothes or brush your teeth before bed.

Some of my laws are in serious need of revision, but I am a hardliner when it comes to keeping the law. So I get back from an exhausting 30 hour trip and would love to get into a shower and go to sleep, leaving the unpacking till next day. "Are you INSANE?" barks my inner law-enforcement voice. "You will unpack NOW! Don't you know that in this kingdom we demand obedience to the letter of the law? And that law says only slobs sleep in the midst of a mess. Get up and DO IT NOW!" Very occasionally I will feebly try to rebel. In an apologetic whiny voice I speak to the law enforcer, conscious before I begin my argument that I am going to lose. "I am very tired and my back is sore," I explain. "It would be WISER to have a hot bath and go to sleep, and then I will feel fresh to do it in the morning.". " WHAT?" bellows the law enforcer. "Have you lost your mind? You won't be able to sleep. Close your eyes, and your eyelids will become transparent. The darkness will become light. Visions of strewn clothing, clean mixed with dirty, shoes without their partners, cell phone chargers sliding under the bed and disappearing for all eternity.........". "STOP!" I scream. "Don't torment me before my time! I'll unpack. Now! Please leave me in peace." And hours later, smugly satisfied that I have kept the law, I collapse in a state of absolute exhaustion. Another victory for THE LAW OF FIONA! You may now applaud.

I returned from Israel on Tuesday, and went through this exact ritual. While I was there, I observed something of true religious legalism, and found it utterly fascinating. Our hotel observed Shabbat, which meant that the lifts stopped at every floor so that no observant Jew had to break the Sabbath laws by "working on the Sabbath" by pushing the buttons in the lift. However, the automatic revolving doors into the hotel were switched off, so that you had to push them manually to go through. (There was an open door next to the revolving doors though.) This intrigued me. Surely pushing a door open was work? It certainly took more effort than to have it open automatically as you approached. A fellow guest asked an Israeli why the automation was turned off when Shabbat started. The answer, I guess, made a certain amount of sense, in the same way that unpacking when you are exhausted makes sense. As you approach the door, the Israeli man explained, it senses that you are approaching, and starts to move. So, actually, you are working because you set in motion a revolving door. Some scholar, somewhere, decreed that this is work, so every revolving door in Israel ceases to operate automatically at sunset on Fridays. Mazeltov!!

I love the freedom that we find in God. "He has shown you, o man, what is good, and what the Lord requires of you; to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8. And so He smiles at us as we strive to keep our own laws of discipline, hygiene, diet, exercise, cleanliness, punctuality, and every other area of life. But I think His smile disappears, and a celestial disapproval dawns, when we take the laws of our kingdoms, frame them, demand that the rest of humanity live by them, and decry anyone who dares to live by a different set of rules to our own. (You do know, don't you, that I am talking about personal preferences? I am not talking about His Word, which contains His requirements. We would be VERY stupid to think that we can ignore or disobey His clearly expressed commands to live the way He expects from those bearing His Name and His image.)

It is now 11.50 pm on Friday 30 September 2011. Over to you Emma! You may post congratulations to me on twitter.

Good night and lots of love,
Fiona.